Trump Exposes Shocking COVID Loan Scam: Millions Given to Grade Schoolers
Paul Riverbank, 3/10/2025In a stunning display of pandemic-era oversight failure, DOGE reveals $312 million in COVID relief loans were granted to children under 11, while another $333 million went to supposedly centenarian recipients. This troubling revelation underscores critical gaps in emergency fund distribution protocols.
The Art of Government Waste: A Tale of Toddler Entrepreneurs and Immortal Business Owners
In what might be the most surreal chapter of pandemic-era spending, we're confronting a reality where kindergartners supposedly received hundreds of millions in business loans. I've spent decades covering government oversight, but this latest revelation from the Department of Government Efficiency leaves me genuinely stunned.
Let's put this in perspective: $312 million went to "business owners" who haven't lost their baby teeth yet. Another $333 million found its way to people who would've been alive during the Civil War. If it wasn't so tragic, it would be comedic.
I spoke with former SBA administrator James Wilson last week about these findings. "Look," he told me, leaning back in his chair, "we knew there would be some fraud when we rushed these programs out. But children and 157-year-olds? That's not just slipping through the cracks – that's driving a truck through the wall."
The numbers tell a story of systemic failure. Nearly 5,600 loans to children under 11. Over 3,000 loans to people supposedly older than 115. One particularly brazen case involved a $36,000 payment to someone claiming to be 157 years old – a person who would've been born before the first telephone was invented.
DOGE's new leadership under Elon Musk has already started cleaning house, cutting 162 contracts worth $205 million. In an ironic twist that perfectly captures bureaucratic absurdity, they even canceled a $10.3 million contract designed to find unnecessary contracts. You can't make this stuff up.
During my years covering Capitol Hill, I've seen my share of government waste, but DOGE's confidence in identifying up to $1 trillion in inefficiencies raises serious questions about our entire system of oversight. Are we really this bad at managing public funds, or is this just the tip of the iceberg?
The broader implications here stretch far beyond just numbers on a spreadsheet. When basic verification processes fail this spectacularly, it undermines public trust in government institutions. It's not just about the money – though heaven knows $645 million is nothing to sneeze at – it's about the fundamental competence of our administrative state.
As we continue unpacking this story, one thing becomes clear: our rush to provide pandemic relief, while well-intentioned, created a perfect storm for fraud. The question now isn't just how we fix it, but how we prevent it from happening again.
Paul Riverbank is a political analyst and columnist with over 25 years of experience covering government oversight and policy implementation.
