Trump's DOGE Exposes Massive COVID Loan Scandal: Kids Under 11 Got $312M

The latest chapter in pandemic-era financial mismanagement reads like satire: toddlers receiving business loans and centenarians launching startups. Yet these absurd scenarios represent very real failures in government oversight, according to a bombshell report from the Department of Government Efficiency.

I've covered Washington for three decades, but rarely have I seen such brazen exploitation of emergency aid programs. Picture this: somewhere in America, a 6-year-old supposedly qualified for a small business loan while barely old enough to count their allowance. Not just one case – we're talking about 5,600 loans to children under 11, totaling a staggering $312 million.

The fraud didn't stop at the playground. On the other end of the age spectrum, over 3,000 loans worth $333 million went to supposed business owners listed as over 115 years old. One particularly creative fraudster claimed to be 157 – old enough to have witnessed the Civil War.

"This isn't just about numbers on a spreadsheet," a veteran SBA investigator told me off the record. "Every dollar stolen through fraud was a dollar that couldn't help legitimate businesses survive the pandemic."

The DOGE investigation has already prompted action. They've axed 162 unnecessary contracts, projecting $90 million in savings. In what could be called a meta-moment of government inefficiency, one of the terminated contracts – worth $10.3 million – was originally meant to identify wasteful contracts.

During a closed-door meeting with House Republicans that I attended last week, DOGE leadership made an ambitious claim: they believe they can identify up to $1 trillion in government waste. That's trillion with a T. While some lawmakers expressed skepticism, the agency's track record of uncovering fraud has earned them credibility on Capitol Hill.

Looking ahead, these revelations will likely trigger a broader examination of pandemic-era spending. As one Treasury official confided to me, "We're probably just seeing the tip of the iceberg."

The hard truth is that in the rush to provide emergency aid, basic safeguards were overlooked. Now taxpayers are left holding the bag while investigators chase ghosts – both young and impossibly old.

Paul Riverbank is a senior political analyst covering government oversight and fiscal policy. His upcoming book "The Price of Panic: How Crisis Spending Shaped Modern America" examines the long-term implications of emergency government spending programs.